the beginning

So it is the middle of my first week of school. Which means I have made it halfway through. It has been rough. I feel so scatterbrained and often inadequate. This may be due to the newness of the beginning of school. I officially became a contracted teacher in January which meant I took over a class that was already in the groove. I didn't have to start one myself. The lesson plans were already done . The procedures and expectations were already in place and made clear. So the beginning of the school year had made me quite nervous. (and anyone who knows me knows how well I can function when I get nervous) I have a fairly large fear of failure. To the point where I won't attempt things or take risks because I fear that I might fail at it. I want to be good at what I do and if I feel that I won't succeed I often won't do it. I know this is not very healthy. Nevertheless, it is the way I work. 

This is how I have approached the school year. Which makes me f

eel like I am drowning. I know realistically that everything will work out. I know that I am an adequate teacher and that I did a good job with my class last year. But my fear can get the best of me. I know my first year will be fille

d with trials and errors. I will make mistakes and I will be successful. I just am afraid of failing. 

My class (so far...3 days in) seems to be fairly mellow. I have a good mix of students academically and socially. Getting to know 25 new kids is fun. It's exciting to learn personalities and also anticipate watching them grow through their journey of the 5th grade. And I am not gonna lie that having an audience of 25 people that HAVE to 

listen to me all day is kinda nice.

:-)

Here is a picture of 

my classroom during the preparation stage last week. It currently looks like a 

tornado has h

it due to the paperwork/new curriculum/25 people who now call it home.