random thoughts from my heart

so my small group is reading a book called "having a mary spirit: allowing God to change us from the the inside out" by joanna weaver. and man has there been so many good things i have realized and have begun to learn in reading this book.

this week the chapter was titled "fault lines". the author defines fault lines as core issues that fuel our desires and shape our actions-these are the cracks in our character. They are an inevitable consequence of living as a fallen human being with other fallen human beings on a fallen earth. as a redaer we were asked yo examine our fault lines...the areas in our lives where we are weak and where Satan can add pressure in order to make us fall into destruction. these are the vulnerable spots in our souls.

in reading this chapter, i realized MANY of my fault lines. but there was one that really stuck out the the author talked about. *sidebar: this author does such a good job of putting exactly how i feel into words-something i lack and something i love about books-being able to capture how i feel and put it into words*

i am a chronic chameleon, i spend my life and my efforts constantly changing colors and outfits to fit whatever situation i find myself in. its a game of approval. its exhausting.

shame and regret from the past tell me i will never be different and that i am incapable of changing. fear of making mistakes keeps me from trying anything at all.

this is a huge fault line in my life. and one that i often dont show. but as i begin to be honest with myself and ask God to expose my fault lines...this one begins to show...

but i am learning (with the help of this book) that I have a mighty God who is able to redeem me at my darkest moments and in my deepest fears. a loving Father who promises to keep watch at our points of vulnerability, to strengthen us when we're weak, to correct the lies that have led us astray and to heal the rifts in our souls.

BUT only if we give Him access.

Lord, help me to be aware of my fault lines and also to run to You to in my weakness. You are my Rock and my foundation. only You can make my paths straight. i desire to put my hope in You knowing that You are able to do more than i ask or imagine. I choose to put my trust in You-trusting that though my world around me shakes and trembles You are my firm foundation.

Jeremiah 24:6-7

⁶ My eyes will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. ⁷ I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart