thoughts...

"When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal." – unknown

healing is never any fun. Its usually painful, uncomfortable, annoying, and longer than we would like. But it is a necessary part of life. Without healing we would always be ill, injured, or hurting. This is true physically, emotionally, and spitiritually.

I have chosen to not bow my head in sadness during my time of hurting, but rather lift my eyes to heaven in search of healing.

I would be lying to say that it doesn’t hurt. That my heart doesn’t wish it was different. That I am afraid of the unknown of the future. That I miss the good times that were had.

I would be lying to say that I am not sad. That I don’t wonder what would need to be different to make it work.

I would be lying to say that I didn’t know this is what I needed-though it was not what I wanted.

Despite the hard and difficult time that is my life, I am doing good. Why? Because I know God is good and is in control and He works all things out for His purpose. I may not and often just do not understand His purpose…but that is why I trust Him to be in control. I have faith in Him and I know that I am His beloved creation and He loves me and cherishes me and is protecting me.

My heart is ok. I wont say it is great. But I cant say it is terrible. It is ok. Each day is another day and I just choose to look to heaven for healing.

I am thankful. Beyond thankful. In this difficult time and a time that typically tends to be very unpleasant and awkward, I have been blessed to have been able to keep my best friend. Yes things have changed and the roles that each of us play in each others lives has changed, but I still have a relationship with one of my closest friends.

It isn’t awkward. Its normal. Its healthy. We talk-and actually communicate. Sometimes it feels like we are better friends than before.

I don’t expect people to understand this idea of going back to being such good friends. And honestly many don’t and question the whole thing. But I know my heart. And my heart is good. I would be devastated if I had to lose him completely. 3 years is a long time…

…and yes my heart still cares deeply. Which makes walking away so much harder. My mind has had to keep my heart in check and it has not been an easy road but it has been a good road. I know the journey is just beginning and that God has incredible things in store for both of us. I have no idea what those things are. That’s the unknown. But I choose to trust Him and follow wherever He may lead me.

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

Helen Keller