challenge to self.

i have decided that i would like to read through all of the psalms. start to finish. 

i find myself often feeling irritated, angry, hurt, discontent, lonely, insignificant:::: all feelings that are not from the Lord and definitely opposite of being filled with His joy and purpose:::: more often than i would like. 

So i figured i would  fill my heart and mind with thoughts of Him instead. and have chosen to try reading the psalms. i feel like David (and the other authors) felt some of those same feelings and so i would be encouraged and CHALLENGED in reading their words.

so i will read. and hopefully journal a few thoughts...i like to journal. it helps me process.

psalm 1

i want my delight (great pleasure) to be in the law of the Lord. How can i make this happen? 

i fall short of meditating (thinking deeply, carefully considering) on it day and night. i pray for better diligence in meditating on the Word. Need work on memorizing more scripture. :-( 

to be like a tree...firmly planted BY THE STREAM. How can i grow if i do not soak in the Word??

He promises to WATCH OVER the way of the righteous and that the way of the wicked WILL perish

random thoughts

its crazy how certain things trigger memories in our mind. 

you can hear a song on the radio and instantly you are back at a middle school dance reliving some awkward moment. or a song reminds you of someone special and your face lights up. 

you can smell a familiar smell and be reminded of a place you have been to or a person you love. 

you can look at a picture and be reminded of fun times and bad clothing/hair style choices. 

an event can happen and you are 'time warped" back to another time and place. 

it can bring joy, laughter, and comfort to have these memories triggered. i love moments when this happens:::

every time i hear britney spears' "dont let me be the last to know" i am dancing with * a boy* at my junior prom. that memory and the feelings that went with it are so clear and vivid and are triggered each time i hear that song. 

curve cologne is a "safe" smell for me. i feel safe and comfortable  and familiar when i smell it. my dad wears it and so does josh. i find comfort in that smell. ~TRUE STORY: i also love the smell of menudo cooking. my grandma would often let it cook overnight and waking up to that smell was my favorite cuz i knew what we were eating that day. (fat kid at heart) it now reminds me of my grandma who passed away when i was in high school. its a memory.

i love to sit and look at pictures of "back in the day" i am often reminded of good friends, great relationships, and insane amounts of laughter. i love capturing moments with my friends. keepsakes. memories.

but it also works in a negative way.

there are songs i hear that take me back to memories i would rather forget. songs that i used to like and i am think: "what was o thinking?"

there are smells that do not remind us of pleasant things.

there are pictures i am sure we would all wish didnt exist.

 most of the time things happen in life that we have no control over. these events much like songs, smells, and pictures remind us of things...people...places...emotions. this can bring good or bad memories and often they catch you off guard.

something happens and it gets you all worked up and you cant figure out why...then you realize that this has triggered some other memory...

crazy.

So...i love this guy...really i do. He makes me smile and laugh. all the time. he keeps me in check (hahaha but really, that is a difficult job) he loves me. he serves me. he listens (most of the time..hahaha) to my meaningless stories. he lets me be me....and seems to love me for who i am :-) he puts up with my inexplainable quirks and logic (he has some of his own...)

he is my best friend and i just love to be in his company. i feel comfortable and safe with him around. i want to serve him. i respect him. he is a man who truly desires to glorify God in all that he does. i am challenged and encouraged by him all the time. i am constantly learning how to show him my respect. i am so blessed by him...

i love this picture (thanks hooch) its blurry...which is how life feels sometimes...crazy busy...but we both have such big smiles on our face...we are happy...filled with joy and love...i love it. i love him. 

So this will be a vague and short post....Sometimes life just isn't fair...