its been a long time

i realized tonight it has been a long time since i have blogged...and the last few were pretty emotional yet vague. yet they definitely capture the mood of that phase of life. since the last blog life has changed. in ways that i wanted and in ways that i did not.

i was able to enjoy my always too short summer vacation. i enjoyed time with my friends on a mini vacation. i was able to go on our annual family vacation. i was able to sleep in. to read for fun. it was nice. but off course passed to quickly. i am so thankful for my job and the teaching year round thing...i really enjoy the work 3 months and get 1 off situation....

but off course that month of fun had to come to an end and i went back to work. started the brand new school year with 23 students (am currently up to 25 as of now). i have a pretty mellow class (thank goodness) and have definitely been fortunate to not have any real troublemakers in any of my classes since i started teaching. i am excited to be able to love on these kids over the course of the school year and not only teach them all they need to know...but also show the love of Jesus to them daily.

along with a new school year with new kids and changes in the way we do things at school came more changes in my life...

i am embarking on a new journey in life as a single girl. it was one of the hardest decisions of my life to make. it has been over a month now and in all honesty i still struggle with this decision. i know this is natural. when you live life alongside someone for 3 years its very difficult to understand that God knows what is best. and what is best is not always easy or what we want. i didnt stop loving him that day. i care for him so deeply. yet i know i had to do what i did. for me. i am BEYOND blessed to have had him as a part of my life as a boyfriend during the time that i did. he was my best friend. which makes it so difficult. i am so thankful that we are able to be friends. like true friends. that can talk and hang out and not be weird. our lives are so involved with church and family and friends that if we werent able to be friends it would be miserable. God is working in my heart and in my life during this time. and i pray that He is doing the same for him. when asked how i am doing...i say good. because honestly i am doing well. processing and working through so many things in my life that have come up and that i have realized. its not easy but its good. i am doing good. that doesnt mean that i dont have the hard days. the sad days. the days where i wish things were different. i know God is good. and that HE is in control. and HIS will is what will be accomplished. He is healing my heart and filling me with His joy...

so i keep myself busy these days. with work. the beginning of the school year is so busy. with church...just finishing our VBX...with my nieces and nephew...lots of disneyland/sea world/sleepovers/quality dates with nina. with friends...really enjoying spending quality time with my friends.

life is good. different. unknown. but good

Empty me Lord....so I can be filled with You

Doesn't know why it bothers me so....but it does...

family vacation!!!

so every year my grandparents take the family to lake powell for a week in july!! i have great memories on our houseboat as a child. its so relaxing and a good time for all of us to be together. well i havent been on this trip since i was 17...but this year it just so happens that i am off track in july so i am totally able to go...

it was a great trip. we relaxed, played games, ate, and laid in the sun...so good!!! here are a few pics...

this was our view from the back of the boat...so pretty

!

challenge to self.

i have decided that i would like to read through all of the psalms. start to finish. 

i find myself often feeling irritated, angry, hurt, discontent, lonely, insignificant:::: all feelings that are not from the Lord and definitely opposite of being filled with His joy and purpose:::: more often than i would like. 

So i figured i would  fill my heart and mind with thoughts of Him instead. and have chosen to try reading the psalms. i feel like David (and the other authors) felt some of those same feelings and so i would be encouraged and CHALLENGED in reading their words.

so i will read. and hopefully journal a few thoughts...i like to journal. it helps me process.

psalm 1

i want my delight (great pleasure) to be in the law of the Lord. How can i make this happen? 

i fall short of meditating (thinking deeply, carefully considering) on it day and night. i pray for better diligence in meditating on the Word. Need work on memorizing more scripture. :-( 

to be like a tree...firmly planted BY THE STREAM. How can i grow if i do not soak in the Word??

He promises to WATCH OVER the way of the righteous and that the way of the wicked WILL perish

random thoughts

its crazy how certain things trigger memories in our mind. 

you can hear a song on the radio and instantly you are back at a middle school dance reliving some awkward moment. or a song reminds you of someone special and your face lights up. 

you can smell a familiar smell and be reminded of a place you have been to or a person you love. 

you can look at a picture and be reminded of fun times and bad clothing/hair style choices. 

an event can happen and you are 'time warped" back to another time and place. 

it can bring joy, laughter, and comfort to have these memories triggered. i love moments when this happens:::

every time i hear britney spears' "dont let me be the last to know" i am dancing with * a boy* at my junior prom. that memory and the feelings that went with it are so clear and vivid and are triggered each time i hear that song. 

curve cologne is a "safe" smell for me. i feel safe and comfortable  and familiar when i smell it. my dad wears it and so does josh. i find comfort in that smell. ~TRUE STORY: i also love the smell of menudo cooking. my grandma would often let it cook overnight and waking up to that smell was my favorite cuz i knew what we were eating that day. (fat kid at heart) it now reminds me of my grandma who passed away when i was in high school. its a memory.

i love to sit and look at pictures of "back in the day" i am often reminded of good friends, great relationships, and insane amounts of laughter. i love capturing moments with my friends. keepsakes. memories.

but it also works in a negative way.

there are songs i hear that take me back to memories i would rather forget. songs that i used to like and i am think: "what was o thinking?"

there are smells that do not remind us of pleasant things.

there are pictures i am sure we would all wish didnt exist.

 most of the time things happen in life that we have no control over. these events much like songs, smells, and pictures remind us of things...people...places...emotions. this can bring good or bad memories and often they catch you off guard.

something happens and it gets you all worked up and you cant figure out why...then you realize that this has triggered some other memory...

crazy.

So...i love this guy...really i do. He makes me smile and laugh. all the time. he keeps me in check (hahaha but really, that is a difficult job) he loves me. he serves me. he listens (most of the time..hahaha) to my meaningless stories. he lets me be me....and seems to love me for who i am :-) he puts up with my inexplainable quirks and logic (he has some of his own...)

he is my best friend and i just love to be in his company. i feel comfortable and safe with him around. i want to serve him. i respect him. he is a man who truly desires to glorify God in all that he does. i am challenged and encouraged by him all the time. i am constantly learning how to show him my respect. i am so blessed by him...

i love this picture (thanks hooch) its blurry...which is how life feels sometimes...crazy busy...but we both have such big smiles on our face...we are happy...filled with joy and love...i love it. i love him.